I AM...

I am my own best friend. My own worst enemy. My biggest fear. My biggest regret. The highlight of my day. The highlight of my night. My greatest hello. My hardest goodbye.

I am my own competiton. My own breaking point. My first love. My first heartbreak. My only smile. My only frown. The reason I laugh. The reason I cry.


I am my own daydream. My own nightmare. My biggest secret. My biggest lie. The highlight of my event. The highlight of my moment. My greatest win. My hardest loss.


I am my own "once upon a time". My own "happily ever after". My favorite story. My favorite fairytale. My first song. My first poem. My only want. My only desire.





But you are, and always will be the reason of me living.

the ugly duckling.

Everyday I look in the mirror and see this girl. This girl that has the biggest insecurities, and people don't understand why. They tell her that she's beautiful and they tell her she has alot going for herself, but for some reason she can't see it. She wishes that she could be like the other girls, who have the utmost confidence in themselves. The kind of girls that don't care what people say about them because they know they've got it together. But she just ... CAN'T ! People look at her and think she's this mean black bitch, but looks are REALLY decieving. She's such a sweet and loving person, and constantly she's being tooken advantage of because of that. No one understands her because people see what they wanna see or believe what they wanna believe. It's sad, but it's true.

first post of the new YEAR .

So, it's 2011. I'm entering this year with a very upset mood. But I hope everybody is all smiles, and laughing and enjoying themselves. I hope people take advantage of getting a new start . I hope everyone knows what they want out of this year. I hope everyone can learn to get along, and learn that life is too short to just be, beefing over dumb shit; or holding grudges. And let go of the things that you can't hold on to anymore. Happy new year.

sometimes i wish i could just let all my tears out at one time . you know how they say you can pay in a big lump some of cash ? i just wanna let out a big lump some of sadness . it's like .. why is it always ME ? why do people hate for the silliest things ? why do people talk about me behind my back & pretend to be my friend , & act like they've done nothing wrong . I AM SUCH A NICE PERSON ! like what the hell yo ! i've never seen people be so quick to judge someone so fast in my life , & dare to call themselves perfect & saints . why don't i feel pretty ? why do i feel that i'm fat , & i'm this and i'm that . i am getting so mad over here right now , because i really don't get it . i wish i could be cocky & not care what everyone else thinks . i wish i could be a biotch & hurt people's feelings the way they've hurt mine . i wish i could just tell people about themselves & just go off , and have no sympathy on how they feel afterwards ... but i can't ! v_v . it's just not Laniisha , it's not ME . people always tell me that i should be the bigger person , but for me being the BIGGER person , i always get stopped on like i'm a midget . i pretend to not be scared of things , because that's the way i've been my whole life . afraid to grow up , afraid to get hurt .. afraid to be myself because everybody always hated me for some strange reason that i can't figure out to save my soul ! i've tried to be a person i didn't wanna be , & that really messed up my life . tears * but i guess this is the way my life is suppose to be . maybe it's karma , coming back around hitting me with a big bang . maybe God is trying to figure out if i can take the critism , the rumors & the backstabbers . but i really wish it could all just end .

why ?

i don't understand why people in the world hate each other so much . and i wonder why people do such conniving things . i watch things happen and it just makes me sick to my stomach to see how careless human beings are , and the things people fight or kill over . it's so STUPID . you don't like this person because of the neighborhood he lives in ? you don't like that person because he said something about you that you didn't like ? BIG FREAKING DEAL , get over it . giving yourself the audacity to kill someone like your God ! i really don't get it sometimes . especially when it comes to this white person , black person crap . they say oh white people think their better because their WHITE , & people give them the benefit of the doubt . and white people start to give themselves to much tooting in their horn . and that's why a lot of people hate them , and violence starts . if everyone just gets along , the world can function a whole lost easier and MAYBE less people will die . since i'm talking about how shitty the world is , let's talk about George Bush . he made so many people draft to a war that had nothing to do with America , and didn't give a damn . how you friends w| the man that led the attack of the World Trade Center , and was clueless that that was gonna happen . the day before 9/11 the United States lost over $7 Billion and supposedly NO ONE knew what happened tp the money . and the 9/11 happens ? i think that was a set-up .. HANDS DOWN . then Hurricane Katrina hit , he didn't care that black people were suffering & dying . he could've done something about it . he only cares about his stupid wife and his 2 drunk-all-time daughters . HELL ! send them girls out there and let them experience life . i gotta stop writing about this because i'm getting myself upset . people are just self-centered and cruel , and i wish people would change . it's not good to care what people think sometimes , but i wish some people did .

Diddys' dirty all right .

why is it that , Diddy is such a DEADBEAT producer ? from Making the Band 1 until Day 26 . . . what the heck happened ? he treats these people like garbage ! he just makes these shows to make more money for HIM ! he uses the television series to make it seem as if he's this humanitarian of some sort , and the bands just disappear . let's take a look at one that we all knew about . . . B5 ! they were poppin` when i was in middle school lols , and all of a sudden BECAUSE DIDDY GOT TIRED OF THEM , he drops them to some other record label and they call themselves "Auto" now . what in tarnation .. like where did they go wrong ? Danity Kane too ! Danity Kane was doing the damn thing , and he dumps the white girls , and D Woods just because she wanted to make her own money . Why isn't Cassie or Day 26 making anymore albums ? and what happened to Donnie ? I'll tell you what happened .. Cassie had sex with Diddy , and he dumped her . And Donnie was just wack . Then comes in DIRTY MONEY .. the ONLY reason why they still hitting charts is because Diddy is apart of them . shame shame shame . Diddy , why don't you just retire w| your old ass , and take care of your fast ass sons .

Go Chris Brown !

on the BET Awards '10 everybody wanna hate on Breezy for doing a phenomenal job on that Michael Jackson tribute , saying his tears were fake . at first everyone was on his sack about him beating Rihanna up , calling him out of his name , and as soon as he does this dance ya'll wanna throw more dirt on his name . oh just STFU , nobody asked any of ya'll for the opinion . at the end , ya'll still gonna be singing his songs , and ya'll still watching his interviews , and still have your eyes glued on the TV when he comes on . but in MY opinion , those tears were indeed REAL , the spit coming out his mouth , the redness of his skin .. he couldn't even sing "Man in the Mirror" correctly because of how hard the tears were coming out . every needs to hop off . so like i said before just STFU because Chris Brown is back , and he's going hard like never before (:

thanks dad ( :

it never bothered me that i didn't know my real dad . i've never set eyes on him , no photograph , not even a phone call saying "i want nothing to do with you" . you can't miss anything you never had right ? but i see girls' with their fathers' time to time , and i wonder what it would be like if i too had that father-daughter love . not that i'm not grateful for my mother , being that she plays both roles ; but sometimes you need a males' perspective on some situations . i've had guys pretend to be my dad , but i knew the deal . i don't want an imposer . i want the REAL THING . my mom told me before i was born , he was the best boyfriend . why couldn't he be the WORLDS' GREATEST DAD ? why couldn't he just see his little girl grow up to be a mature young woman ? why'd he have to run off like that , not to mention leaving a son just about my age behind too ? why couldn't he just show up at the fucking child support office , and see me for just a second .. A DAMN SECOND ! everything happens for a reason but damn man , why is everything happening to me all at once ? MEN .. their hard to explain , especially when you know nothing about him , and he's your FATHER ! but , at the end ; i get 95 $ out of his paycheck every week for NOT being there . thanks dad , you get a standing ovation [ :

gossip folks .

it's sad that everywhere you go , you try to find that one boy who you think will love YOU for YOU , like they say they would . they seem all lovey dovey in the beginning , but as soon as things get serious they flip on you like a clumsy break dancer . a girl like me wants to find her prince charming early so i don't have to worry about "why am i not married" when i get older . but as much as i been through , God's telling me to wait it out . i had a boy tell me he loved me , take me out , buy me things JUST TO TURN AROUND and hurt me . he pretended to like me the whole time , because he needed to get over his college sweetheart . i had a boy tell me he LOVED me [ we all now that's a big step ] and after he got that one thing from me , he pretended he didn't know me afterwards for the ugliest long headed -- I'M NOT EVEN GONNA GET INTO THAT . i have had a boy cheat on me so many times , and i still went back to him because he "loved me" and at the end he talked about me like a dog to all his friends . and the sad part is that everyone hears everything they believe , especially when your reputation was "the good girl" . they can't wait to get their hands on something about you & run w| it . i don't see me as the "good girl gone bad" , it's just when you love someone , love makes you do crazy things . someone once told me the grass was much geeener on the other side . i'm still waiting to see .

be careful what you wish for .

i'm not perfect . even the people w| the botox in their skin , and the girls who think their barbie dolls aren't perfect . i don't mean to be a bad person but i can't help it at times . the people who've treated me with all do respect & were so careful about me and where my life was headed , were the same people i have constantly pushed out of my life because i wanted to take control of my it . & doing what i wanted got me some where the devil wanted me . i'm not gonna sit here & tell my whole life story & start sobbing while i'm at it . . . in this ONE blog . BUT lols .. when someone is going out their way to help you better yourself , take that chance because theres' but so many people that will do that for you , you know ? and i'm bless to say that i have a mother who cares for me , and a friend who's willing to take a bullet before it hits me . maybe people do get second chances in life . i got mine & i'm sure that i'm going to put my life in a different direction . and with that being said , you only get one life to live . it's YOURS , use it wisely .