first post of the new YEAR .

So, it's 2011. I'm entering this year with a very upset mood. But I hope everybody is all smiles, and laughing and enjoying themselves. I hope people take advantage of getting a new start . I hope everyone knows what they want out of this year. I hope everyone can learn to get along, and learn that life is too short to just be, beefing over dumb shit; or holding grudges. And let go of the things that you can't hold on to anymore. Happy new year.

sometimes i wish i could just let all my tears out at one time . you know how they say you can pay in a big lump some of cash ? i just wanna let out a big lump some of sadness . it's like .. why is it always ME ? why do people hate for the silliest things ? why do people talk about me behind my back & pretend to be my friend , & act like they've done nothing wrong . I AM SUCH A NICE PERSON ! like what the hell yo ! i've never seen people be so quick to judge someone so fast in my life , & dare to call themselves perfect & saints . why don't i feel pretty ? why do i feel that i'm fat , & i'm this and i'm that . i am getting so mad over here right now , because i really don't get it . i wish i could be cocky & not care what everyone else thinks . i wish i could be a biotch & hurt people's feelings the way they've hurt mine . i wish i could just tell people about themselves & just go off , and have no sympathy on how they feel afterwards ... but i can't ! v_v . it's just not Laniisha , it's not ME . people always tell me that i should be the bigger person , but for me being the BIGGER person , i always get stopped on like i'm a midget . i pretend to not be scared of things , because that's the way i've been my whole life . afraid to grow up , afraid to get hurt .. afraid to be myself because everybody always hated me for some strange reason that i can't figure out to save my soul ! i've tried to be a person i didn't wanna be , & that really messed up my life . tears * but i guess this is the way my life is suppose to be . maybe it's karma , coming back around hitting me with a big bang . maybe God is trying to figure out if i can take the critism , the rumors & the backstabbers . but i really wish it could all just end .

why ?

i don't understand why people in the world hate each other so much . and i wonder why people do such conniving things . i watch things happen and it just makes me sick to my stomach to see how careless human beings are , and the things people fight or kill over . it's so STUPID . you don't like this person because of the neighborhood he lives in ? you don't like that person because he said something about you that you didn't like ? BIG FREAKING DEAL , get over it . giving yourself the audacity to kill someone like your God ! i really don't get it sometimes . especially when it comes to this white person , black person crap . they say oh white people think their better because their WHITE , & people give them the benefit of the doubt . and white people start to give themselves to much tooting in their horn . and that's why a lot of people hate them , and violence starts . if everyone just gets along , the world can function a whole lost easier and MAYBE less people will die . since i'm talking about how shitty the world is , let's talk about George Bush . he made so many people draft to a war that had nothing to do with America , and didn't give a damn . how you friends w| the man that led the attack of the World Trade Center , and was clueless that that was gonna happen . the day before 9/11 the United States lost over $7 Billion and supposedly NO ONE knew what happened tp the money . and the 9/11 happens ? i think that was a set-up .. HANDS DOWN . then Hurricane Katrina hit , he didn't care that black people were suffering & dying . he could've done something about it . he only cares about his stupid wife and his 2 drunk-all-time daughters . HELL ! send them girls out there and let them experience life . i gotta stop writing about this because i'm getting myself upset . people are just self-centered and cruel , and i wish people would change . it's not good to care what people think sometimes , but i wish some people did .

Diddys' dirty all right .

why is it that , Diddy is such a DEADBEAT producer ? from Making the Band 1 until Day 26 . . . what the heck happened ? he treats these people like garbage ! he just makes these shows to make more money for HIM ! he uses the television series to make it seem as if he's this humanitarian of some sort , and the bands just disappear . let's take a look at one that we all knew about . . . B5 ! they were poppin` when i was in middle school lols , and all of a sudden BECAUSE DIDDY GOT TIRED OF THEM , he drops them to some other record label and they call themselves "Auto" now . what in tarnation .. like where did they go wrong ? Danity Kane too ! Danity Kane was doing the damn thing , and he dumps the white girls , and D Woods just because she wanted to make her own money . Why isn't Cassie or Day 26 making anymore albums ? and what happened to Donnie ? I'll tell you what happened .. Cassie had sex with Diddy , and he dumped her . And Donnie was just wack . Then comes in DIRTY MONEY .. the ONLY reason why they still hitting charts is because Diddy is apart of them . shame shame shame . Diddy , why don't you just retire w| your old ass , and take care of your fast ass sons .

Go Chris Brown !

on the BET Awards '10 everybody wanna hate on Breezy for doing a phenomenal job on that Michael Jackson tribute , saying his tears were fake . at first everyone was on his sack about him beating Rihanna up , calling him out of his name , and as soon as he does this dance ya'll wanna throw more dirt on his name . oh just STFU , nobody asked any of ya'll for the opinion . at the end , ya'll still gonna be singing his songs , and ya'll still watching his interviews , and still have your eyes glued on the TV when he comes on . but in MY opinion , those tears were indeed REAL , the spit coming out his mouth , the redness of his skin .. he couldn't even sing "Man in the Mirror" correctly because of how hard the tears were coming out . every needs to hop off . so like i said before just STFU because Chris Brown is back , and he's going hard like never before (:

thanks dad ( :

it never bothered me that i didn't know my real dad . i've never set eyes on him , no photograph , not even a phone call saying "i want nothing to do with you" . you can't miss anything you never had right ? but i see girls' with their fathers' time to time , and i wonder what it would be like if i too had that father-daughter love . not that i'm not grateful for my mother , being that she plays both roles ; but sometimes you need a males' perspective on some situations . i've had guys pretend to be my dad , but i knew the deal . i don't want an imposer . i want the REAL THING . my mom told me before i was born , he was the best boyfriend . why couldn't he be the WORLDS' GREATEST DAD ? why couldn't he just see his little girl grow up to be a mature young woman ? why'd he have to run off like that , not to mention leaving a son just about my age behind too ? why couldn't he just show up at the fucking child support office , and see me for just a second .. A DAMN SECOND ! everything happens for a reason but damn man , why is everything happening to me all at once ? MEN .. their hard to explain , especially when you know nothing about him , and he's your FATHER ! but , at the end ; i get 95 $ out of his paycheck every week for NOT being there . thanks dad , you get a standing ovation [ :

gossip folks .

it's sad that everywhere you go , you try to find that one boy who you think will love YOU for YOU , like they say they would . they seem all lovey dovey in the beginning , but as soon as things get serious they flip on you like a clumsy break dancer . a girl like me wants to find her prince charming early so i don't have to worry about "why am i not married" when i get older . but as much as i been through , God's telling me to wait it out . i had a boy tell me he loved me , take me out , buy me things JUST TO TURN AROUND and hurt me . he pretended to like me the whole time , because he needed to get over his college sweetheart . i had a boy tell me he LOVED me [ we all now that's a big step ] and after he got that one thing from me , he pretended he didn't know me afterwards for the ugliest long headed -- I'M NOT EVEN GONNA GET INTO THAT . i have had a boy cheat on me so many times , and i still went back to him because he "loved me" and at the end he talked about me like a dog to all his friends . and the sad part is that everyone hears everything they believe , especially when your reputation was "the good girl" . they can't wait to get their hands on something about you & run w| it . i don't see me as the "good girl gone bad" , it's just when you love someone , love makes you do crazy things . someone once told me the grass was much geeener on the other side . i'm still waiting to see .

be careful what you wish for .

i'm not perfect . even the people w| the botox in their skin , and the girls who think their barbie dolls aren't perfect . i don't mean to be a bad person but i can't help it at times . the people who've treated me with all do respect & were so careful about me and where my life was headed , were the same people i have constantly pushed out of my life because i wanted to take control of my it . & doing what i wanted got me some where the devil wanted me . i'm not gonna sit here & tell my whole life story & start sobbing while i'm at it . . . in this ONE blog . BUT lols .. when someone is going out their way to help you better yourself , take that chance because theres' but so many people that will do that for you , you know ? and i'm bless to say that i have a mother who cares for me , and a friend who's willing to take a bullet before it hits me . maybe people do get second chances in life . i got mine & i'm sure that i'm going to put my life in a different direction . and with that being said , you only get one life to live . it's YOURS , use it wisely .